Back to Before
by K. Vengeance
Summary: What happened after Ryan left? A sequel to the season finale. (RyanMarissa fic)
1. Concequences

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own these characters.

A/N: This is my first O.C. fic, and I'm not really good with the character's names, I've only watched one season, but here goes. This is about after Ryan leaves, a.k.a. the season finale.

oO0 0Oo

Marissa watched as Ryan, the love of her life, the only person who truly cared about her and accepted her, left her life forever.

She could feel her world crashing down before her. Literally. She felt her heart slowly stop, her breathing increase, and her body go numb.

'So this is it...' she thought, 'I'm dying all over again.'

She ran back to her house and flew up the stairs. Sobbing she fell on her bed and clutched her pillow to her chest. After awhile she looked up, tears clouded her vision and she stumbled around to find a Kleenex. When she finally got to the box and pulled out a tissue, she noticed a picture of her and Ryan sitting on her desk. She lifted it up. It was taken that summer at a beach party. She was wearing a pink summer dress and he was in hi usual jeans and a grey t. He had his arms around her waist and was resting his chin on her shoulder. One of her arms was around his neck and the other held his hand at her waist. She slammed the picture down on the dresser and it fell over, cracking the glass.

Marissa went to her closet and rummaged around her closet, looking for something. She found it and went to her window, staring vacantly out at the road. She brought the bottle up to her mouth and took a big gulp. Then another, and another. Slowly the pain started to ease away.

After awhile she couldn't remember why she was even crying in the first place. What had Ryan ever done for her but keep her from doing the things that made her feel good. 'Why did I ever stop drinking?' She wondered, 'I mean, look how good it is for me, I feel better already.' She said, finishing off the bottle.

Marissa staggered over to her bed and passed out.

oO0 0Oo

Ryan watched as his old home for the past school year edged away and disappeared into the sun. 'Goodbye,' he thought, 'I'm going home...' but a part of him knew that wasn't true. He knew deep down that his home was with the Cohens. He belonged there. There was no pressure there, no expectations, no haunting past, he was himself and truly happy.

He looked over at Thereasa; she gave him a reassuring smile and took his hand. 'I'm doing the right thing,' he told himself. 'I want my kid to have a better life than I did, I want to be there for him...or her...' He sighed and kept on driving.

After a long silence, "Thereasa, have you told Eddie about his yet?" he asked, not looking away from the road.

She looked away from him, "No."

He blinked, hard, and tried to stay calm and not think about what would happen when Eddie found out. "Don't worry, I won't let him hurt you anymore."

He glanced at her and saw a single tear drop from her eye. It glistened in the sunlight, then dropped out of view.

'I'm doing the right thing...' he said, and let the driving distract him.

oO0 0Oo

A/N:Well, what did ya think? Please R&R


	2. Wine and the Road

Disclaimer: You know the drill, I do solemly swear that none of these characters are mine.

A/N:Here's my next chapter...duh...shut up Katie...

oO0 0Oo

Marissa woke up several hours later to a pounding headache. She stumbled over to her dresser and found the picture of her and Ryan smashed. She picked it up and set it right-side up. Then she found her empty bottle on the ground next to her bed. She stealthily put it in a brown paper bag and tossed it in her garbage. She could hear the sound of pots and pans banging downstairs and realized she was hungry.

Checking the clock she saw it was past 6 p.m. 'I've been out for almost 8 hours!' she thought. Looking in the mirror, she thought it might be wise to brush her hair before going downstairs. On her way out of the room she popped a wint-o-green mint in her mouth.

She found her mother in the kitchen struggling with the stove.

"Oh, hey dear, just in time for dinner, have a seat," Julie said, trying to appear calm and collected, but failing horribly.

"Actually Summer called and I'm supposed to meet her at the mall in 10 minutes, so I gotta go," she grabbed an apple and headed out the door before her mom could say anything.

oO0 0Oo

They arrived at Chino around 5 p.m. Ryan hopped out of the car and started unloading bags from the trunk.

"Can I help with anything?" Thereasa asked, getting out of the car.

Ryan looked up, "Uhh...you probably shouldn't...I mean....you shouldn't strain yourself...Why don't you go inside and tell everyone we're here." He said and continued unloading, obviously trying to end the conversation.

"Okay, fine," she said, heading inside, "I'm not going to break you know." She said, and with that, disappeared into the house.

He smiled to himself and slammed the trunk closed. Ryan turned around and, with a deep breath, headed for the door.

He was surprised to find no one home. 'That's strange,' he thought, but paid no attention to it.

Thereasa didn't seem to notice the lack of people and set about, organizing the small living room.

"Uhh...Thereasa? Where is everyone?"

She stopped cleaning and looked up at him, surprised. "What do you mean 'everyone?' There's only going to be us here."

"Huh?"

She laughed, "don't you remember? I bought a smaller apartment for the three of us to live in while we wait for the baby. I told Eddie I was going to school so he wouldn't be worried. Ring a bell, Ryan?"

He had been so preoccupied, he had forgotten. "Oh yeah," he said, and smiled. She went back to cleaning and he brought the rest of the luggage back in.

oO0 0Oo

Marissa called Summer on her way over, but all she got was the answering machine. So she switched gears and headed over to see Seth.

When she pulled up to the Cohen household, Summer's car was in the driveway. 'She must have just gotten here.' Marissa, walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. No answer. She rang it again and knocked. Still no one came. 'That's weird, where are they? I know they're home...' She went around back to the pool house and found Sandy, Kirsten, and Summer all huddled together.

When she got closer she noticed they were all reading a piece of paper, and they were all crying.

"Ok, guys, what wrong?" Marissa asked. Slowly Summer turned to her and handed her a piece of paper. It was Seth's writing and it said:

Dear mom, dad, and Summer:

I can't stay here, I no longer belong. Without Ryan I have nothing keeping me from the dorky kid in science class. He was the only person who ever noticed me and cared about me. Without him, I don't exist. I love you all, but I can't stay here –

Seth

p.s. I'm sorry Summer, I love you

Marissa dropped the letter and went to Summer. The two girls sank to the ground crying and hugging. 'This day can't get any worse' Marissa thought, and all the pain she had been bottling up burst out. She cried for Seth, she cried for Ryan, and she cried for herself. 'I need a drink' was all she could think about.

oO0 0Oo

A/N: is it ok? Please let me know!!


	3. Perfectly Unperfect

A/N: YES, this is a Mar/Ry fic!!! Stop asking and don't worry. It will just take them a bit to realize how much they're meant to be together.

oO0 0Oo

A few weeks had gone by, but no word from Seth. Sandy and Kirsten were hysterical and Summer just sat in her room all day, staring out the window. It broke Marissa's heart to see Summer in so much pain. She waited and watched like a lonely puppy, and every time a kid with curly black hair would stroll down the sidewalk, or a white sailboat would dock Summer would jerk up, only to slowly and dissapointedly sit down again.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself," Marissa said, putting an arm around Summer's shoulders, "It's not healthy. Everything will be ok, and it's not your fault." It was no use, Summer's gaze didn't even flinch from the window. "I think you should get out there and try to go about life as much as normal. Let's go catch a movie, or go to the mall, like we used to when the boys were giving us trouble." Summer turned her vacant gaze towards Marissa and, after a pause, sighed.

"I know you're right, but... I just can't.... What if he comes back, and I'm not even here for him. He'll think I've moved on. What if he left again, thinking I didn't love him anymore. He'd be heartbroken, and so would I, all over again. So, thanks for trying to help, but until he does come home, I'm going to sit right here and wait for him." With that, she turned to the window.

Marissa sighed and stood up, stretching. "Well, I gotta get home. You call me later if you hear anything or need to talk...." She grabbed her coat and left.

oO0 0Oo

Ryan sat in his room with the T.V. blaring, but he wasn't watching it. He didn't even notice it was on. He was too busy staring at a photo – his favorite photo – of him and Marissa on the beach. He caressed her cheek with his thumb, but left streak marks on the glass. 'I wonder how life is back there in O.C.' he thought, placing the picture in front of him and leaning back in his chair, arms folded behind his head. 'Seth is probably reading a comic right now, and Summer is yelling at him to get off the couch and stop reading those silly comic books. Marissa is probably trotting around the streets in one of her matching skirt and shirt combos, picking up every guy on the main street stretch.' He smiled thinking about how normal everything must be for them, he wished he were home. Thereasa was starting the morning sickness phase of the pregnancy and had thrown up twice already.

He felt a slight tap on his shoulder, which startled him to reality. It was Thereasa, she raised an eyebrow, "Would you mind turning that down,it's nearly 11 and I'm trying to sleep?"

"Oh! Yeah, sure, sorry. Didn't realize I had it on that loud, or at all..." he went to the T.V. and shut it off.

She smiled and headed back for her room. "Thanks," she mumbled over her shoulder.

He watched her disappear around the corner, then settled himself onto his bed. He turned the light off and lay on his side. 'Things happen so fast...I wonder if they miss me...' he thought. 'I wonder if she misses me, or if she's found someone else.' His eyes drifted towards the picture on his dresser, and he fell asleep looking into her eyes.

oO0 0Oo

Marissa walked into her house and headed straight for her room. She shut the door and plopped onto her bed. "Today, was a bad day." She said to herself. "Why would Seth just run off like that? It makes no sense!" she said, trying to figure him out. "I hope Summer is okay."

She got herself ready for bed, slipped under the covers, and turned out the light. Moonlight bathed her dresser, and the picture of her and Ryan on the beach light up. She looked into his eyes and whispered, "What happened to you? How did everything get so screwed up? This never would have happened if you were still here, taking care of us...I miss you so much."

She hugged her pillow tightly to her and rolled over, so her back was to the picture, and cried herself to sleep.

oO0 0Oo

A/N: I'll make the next one longer, I PROMISE!!!


	4. Welcome to Paradise

A/N:Lalala, it's AUTUMN!!!! My favorite time of year!! I love Halloween!! But anyway, this story should be longer, I tried my best to write it longer. Parts of it may seem sketchy and hurried through, but that's because I had so much I wanted to write about and not enough patience to write thoroughly for everything.

oO0 0Oo

The next few days seemed to roll by, Summer and I searched everywhere for Seth. Or at least I did, Summer kind of lagged behind, on the brink of crying. What Seth had done was starting to piss me off more than worry me. I mean, how could he just leave him home, and Summer, the girl he's so "in love" with. What he did was really selfish and cowardly.

I looked over at Summer and smiled, but, as usual, she just looked at me then looked away.

I reached out and touched her hand, "Look, Summer, I miss him too, but you can't spend all your time mopeing around and thinking it's the end of the world. Where's the Summer I used to know who never let a thing like this get her down? Who always kept smiling? Who always saw the sun behind the rain clouds? Just because Seth is gone doesn't mean he's – gone – I Know he'll come back someday. But what he has to realize when he does come back is that leaving you was the biggest mistake of his life, because he probably lost you too."

She looked down and picked at the edge of her shirt for a moment, then looked at me and said, with a voice hoarse from crying, "I know you're right, but it's hard. Everywhere I go I see him. I never thought I would say it, but I love him, because he loved me for me, not for my reputation. I don't know, I guess I should stop worrying, after all, he is a guy, and guys do dumb stuff. But I still miss him..." she smiled, the first real smile I had seen from her in days, "I promise I'll try harder to have more fun, but give me time okay?"

"Agreed," I said, giving her a hug.

She pulled away, a look of embarrassment on her face, "I just realized how selfish I'm being. Here I am mopeing about Seth, when you're going through the same thing I am, probably even worse. I haven't even asked how you're doing? Have you heard anything?"

"Um, no, actually I haven't heard anything. But they're just settling in and getting used to everything, I didn't expect to." I licked my lips and turned my gaze towards to beach. Realizing how chapped my lips were I distracted myself looking for chapstick in my purse, but I could feel her stare still on me.

Silently I willed her not to press the issue, I knew if we kept talking about it, my numbness would break and the pain would be unbearable. Luckily, she must have sensed my apprehension about the topic and let it drop.

There was a moment of akward silence before she asked, "so...do you want to go shopping? Ulta is having their summer sale."

"Like I'd say no to Ulta!"

oO0 0Oo

Ryan woke up still facing Marissa's picture. He stumbled out of bed and to the bathroom. He turned the faucet on and rubbed his face with cold water, jolting him awake.

In the living room/kitchen he found Thereasa asleep on the couch with the T.V. on. He pulled a blanket off a nearby chair and draped it over her. He then took five steps forward and found the fridge.

He reached in and pulled out a jug of O.J. and a bagel and butter. He toasted the bagel and buttered it while taking continual sips of O.J. from the carton. Out of the corner of his eye, Ryan could see Thereasa stir in her sleep, then sit up, awake.

She stretched and greeted him with a small smile that turned into a yawn. She got up and ambled over to him, picking out yogurt from the fridge. She found a spoon and dipped it into her yogurt, slurping down the liquid fruit.

They both stood there in an akward silence just eating their breakfast, before Thereasa spoke.

"I have an appointment with the doctor today, didn't know if you wanted to come..." she craftily avoided his eyes.

"Actually I was going to job search today, but if you want me there..."

"No, that's fine." She said dropping the subject; another akward silence fell.

"Well...I'll see you later then..." he said, slowly backing up towards his room.

"Right, later tonight sometime," she said nodding and heading to her room.

He entered his room, shut the door and slid down in onto the floor. He sighed from relief.

His head pounded, he rubbed his fingers along his forehead, especially his temples. The pain subsided for an instant, but returned shortly after.

Ryan went into the bathroom and popped some advil in his mouth, and guzzled them down with water. He looked at himself in the mirror.

He hardly recognized his reflection. He had a week's worth of stubble crowding his face, his hair was tangled and too long, he was thinner and his summer tan was hardly visible anymore. Ever since he had left the O.C. it's like he had stopped taking care of himself. He just didn't care anymore, didn't see the point. After all, he wasn't trying to impress anyone anymore. He didn't have to deal with Marissa carting him around like a pretty boy. No more worrying about if he looked good enough to be seen with her.

The thought of Marissa only made his head throb more. He stumbled into his room and flopped down on the bed.

Ten minutes later he was still thinking about her and forgot where he really was. The phone rang and he jumped up to answer it.

"Hello!?" he said, a little more eagerly than he intended. He was disappointed to hear a man's voice on the other end.

"Yes, hello, is Thereasa there?" the polite, but official voice asked.

He stared at the phone in confusion. 'What does he want Thereasa for, this is Seth's house... Why would anyone look for her here?' But then he remembered the reality of things. Marissa wasn't going to call, Seth and his family were gone, and he was living in a shack of an apartment with his longest childhood friend who he had gotten pregnant in a moment of weak blindness and need for someone's love.

"Yeah, hold on," he went to her room and knocked on her door. "Thereasa? The phone's for you." He waited for her to pick up then hung up.

He trudged back to his room and set the phone in it's receiver.

Having the reality come back to him was like a blow to the head. For the first time, he realized how much he had screwed up, and lost. Things he cared about more than anything in the world would never belong to him again. A family, a future, Marissa...He lost it all. The reality was too harsh.

Ryan placed his head in his hands and cried like he hadn't cried since he was eight.

oO0 0Oo

Thereasa picked up the phone, "Hello?"

She smiled hearing the voice of her sweet old doctor, Mr Heartall. "Hello dear, I was just calling to confirm our appointment at 11 this morning, is it still okay?"

"Of course it is," she said, smiling wider at his gentle nature. He had always been like a father to her and had been her doctor since she could remember.

"Alright then, I'll see you at 11."

"Okay, bye doctor Heartall."

"Buh bye."

She checked her watch and saw she only had a half and hour. Quickly she got dressed and ready, then flew out the door saying goodbye to Ryan as she shut the door, but he didn't hear her.

She arrived at the hospital and was shown to a room to wait in until the doctor came, which was shortly after.

He greeted her with a warm hug and a reassuring smile. "How have you been doing? Everything normal so far?"

"Yup, nothing out of the ordinary, at least according to teen pregnancy books," she smiled.

"Well, I have some test results for you. You said you wanted to know what sex it was so you could prepare?" she nodded and he went on, "You also wanted a DNA test to determine the father?" she looked down at her lap and nodded.

"Well then, do you want to hear the results now, or have the examination first?"

"Let's get the exam over with," she said, sitting down in a chair near the stethoscope.

oO0 0Oo

After the exam, and everything being normal and healthy, Thereasa and Doctor Hearall headed back to their room. She sat down, her heart fluttering with nervous anticipation of the test results.

He took a deep breath and smiled, reading through his charts he smiled wider at her and looked up, "Congratulations, my dear, you're having a girl."

A wide smile crossed her face, and her cheeks flushed with excitement.

"As for the lucky man..." Her muscles tensed and her face became serious again, palms sweaty, heartbeat rapid.

"Remember this test was kept confidential, so the father is man A, whoever he is. " Her smile vanished. Worry came across her face.

She quickly recovered and headed to leave, "Thank you, Doctor, as always it's been a pleasure talking to you. See you in a month!" She dashed out the office and practically ran to her car.

She got in and tried to hold back the tears about to spill from her eyes. 'How could this be? Things would have been so perfect....' She couldn't fight them anymore, she let herself cry.

'I can't tell Eddie. Who knows what he'll do.... To me....or his baby.... Maybe I just won't tell him...I mean, Ryan never has to know it's not his. We can go on living happily together. He'll protect us and care for us. He'll never have to know the baby isn't his. It's better this way...'

She started up the car and headed home to tell Ryan the good news.

oO0 0Oo

After a full day of shopping, Marissa was feeling relatively better. She dropped her bags on the chair by her computer and fell back first onto her bed, staring at the ceiling. After a moment, a thought from earlier in the day crossed her mind, 'why exactly haven't I heard from Ryan? I mean, we said we were still friends. And he should know about Seth.' Slowly she sat up and took a deep breath.

Shakily she reached for her cordless phone and started dialing his new number, which she had pinned to her bulletin board. She put the phone up the her ear and shut her eyes tightly as she heard it ring.

Once.

Twice.

She bit her lip.

Three times.

'Please answer...'

At the start of the fourth ring her hand reached for the receiver to hang up. Just before she did she heard a muffled voice on the other end hastily say hello.

"Hello?" she asked timidly, not sure if she had the right number.

"Marissa?"

She knew at once that it was him, she had forgotten how much she missed his voice. "Hey, Ryan, how are things?"

She could hear him laugh slightly on the other end, "Great, how have you been?"

She tried to hide how much she missed him, "Ok, Everyone says hi," she said, tears pooling in her eyes. 'It's too hard talking to him like nothing is wrong, like I don't miss him every moment of every day.'

"Tell them I say hi," he said, "How's Seth?"

Her mood dropped, if possible, lower, "Well actually, that was the main reason I called...He's missing, Ryan. After you left he disappeared. No one knows where, but his boat is gone. He left a note, but it didn't say anything. Sandy and Kirsten are a wreck, not to mention how Summer is taking it..."

The other end was silent.

"Ryan? Are you there?"

"I'm coming home, I have to find him, I have to make this right."

Her heart skipped a beat 'What did he just say? He's coming home?' Her heart ached for him to come back to her, to smile at her, touch her, look at her. She wanted nothing more than to stay wrapped up in his arms forever.

But deep down she knew it was wrong. She knew he had to stay with Thereasa, and she hated it all the more knowing he would never be hers again. The pain was too severe. So the did the only thing she knew was right, and regretted every moment of it.

All she could think of was Moulin Rouge and what Ziddler had said, "Hurt him to save him." She knew what she had to do, to keep him with Thereasa, where he would do the right thing.

"You can't," she said plainly, betraying no emotion.

He was startled, he thought for sure that's what she'd want, at least, that's what he wanted...

"What? Why not?"

"You hurt us enough by leaving the first time, the Cohens don't want to see you. You backstabbed them. After everything they gave you, you just up and leave like they meant nothing. They treated you like family and you left them in the dust. I'm not surprised Seth left. Finding out that his best friend was only using him, only to leave at the drop of a hat without any remorse. Just stay there, where you belong." The words coming out of her mouth were like daggers, cutting through his silent reaction, and her own heart.

After a moment, a small voice replied, "Ok, I'll just .... Stay here then.... Bye..." and then the line went dead.

She threw the phone on her bed and cursed at herself. She knew what she had done was right, but it didn't stop the pain. Through blurry eyes she went to her closet and pulled out a bottle, slowly sipping the hurt away. She sat on her floor, rocking, holding herself and clutching her bottle.

'To hell with everything,' Marissa thought, 'my life is over, I've lost the one person I care for most of all, the love of my life,' she took another swig.

'Life's not fair, it's not fucking fair.'

oO0 0Oo

A/N: The next one will come soon. Aren't you proud of me? I made this one pretty long, compared to the length of my usual chapters.... ï


	5. Should I Stay or Should I go

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.

A/N: Are you excited? I AM!!!! Just 1 week, one glorious week, (and 3 days) before it

is back on TV!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!

oO0 0Oo

He wiped his eyes and blew his nose in a Kleenex before answering the phone. "Hello?" he said, picking up the phone just before the answering machine kicked in.

"Hello?" came a shy voice in reply. His heart skipped a beat?

"Marissa?" He asked, his hopes rising.

"Hey Ryan, how are things?" He was so happy to hear her voice he smiled in spite of himself.

"Great," he rolled his eyes, "how have you been?" he couldn't stop himself from smiling. 'She doesn't hate me, Marissa is talking to me right now, maybe I haven't lost her after all...'

"Great, everyone says hi."

"Tell them I say hi, how's Seth?" He asked, remembering his best friend.

"Well actually, that was the main reason I called...He's missing, Ryan. After you left he disappeared. No one knows where, but his boat is gone. He left a note, but it didn't say anything. Sandy and Kirsten are a wreck, not to mention how Summer is taking it..."

He was in no way ready for that. The news knocked the air out of him. 'How could this happen? God, I'm such and idiot! How could he leave like that?'

"Ryan are you there?" the voice on the phone brought him back to reality.

"I'm coming home, I have to find him, I have to make this right." He headed for his coat and car keys. Then, with regret, remembered he had let Thereasa borrow the car for her appointment. He sat back down, rubbing his temples.

"You can't." Marissa said plainly.

Her response angered him, it was his friend that he cared about too, and he had just as much right as anyone else to go look for him. "What? Why not?"

"You hurt us enough by leaving the first time, the Cohens don't want to see you. You backstabbed them. After everything they gave you, you just up and leave like they meant nothing. They treated you like family and you left them in the dust. I'm not surprised Seth left. Finding out that his best friend was only using him, only to leave at the drop of a hat without any remorse. Just stay there, where you belong"

Every word out of her mouth killed him a thousand times over. 'I knew it, I knew she hated me, she was probably just being nice, calling and talking to me... I really have lost her..."

He sank back down into his chair, lost for what to do. Finally he said, chocking back tears, "Okay, I'll just....stay here then...bye..." he hung the phone up and let it drop to the ground, along with the tears he had been holding back.

oO0 0Oo

Thereasa walked up to her apartment door with a smile on her face, and new found confidence in what she was doing. 'This is the right thing to do,' she told herself.

She opened the door and stopped dead. Her smile disappeared and her heart broke when she saw Ryan sobbing on the floor. It made her want to cry. 'I have no right seeing this,' she thought, but she couldn't just leave him. Slowly she approached him until she was right behind him. Carefully she wrapped her arms around him and rocked him back and forth. He jumped at her touch, but soon relaxed into it, his sobs dying down.

Once he was calm enough, she turned to face him, "What's wrong, baby?"

His head snapped up, and seeing her, for what seemed like the first time, he ran out of the room and into his, shutting the door behind him.

Thereasa sat there on the floor, shocked.

oO0 0Oo

He felt foolish, crying on the floor like a baby, 'this is really cool Ryan, what if Marissa were to see you like this?' but he didn't care. Everything was going wrong and there was nothing he could do about it, because he had caused it.

He felt a comforting hand on his back, it scared the crap out of him, but it was comforting. So he relaxed into it, imagining it was Marissa and things were like they used to be. He calmed down imagining them together and soon stopped his childish crying. He looked up, hoping to see Marissa's face, but was shocked to see Thereasa's. He didn't understand how she was there. Embarrassed, he got up and ran to his room, shutting the door and locking it.

'What just happened? I could have sworn Marissa was the one comforting me, it felt so real...'

He went to the bathroom again and washed his face.

'You need to pull yourself together. Thereasa doesn't need this right now, you have to support her. Who knows what kind of pain she's going through.'

He took a deep breath and set his mind off of Marissa and onto keeping Thereasa as comfortable as possible.

oO0 0Oo

Dinner was perfect, Ryan made spaghetti with Swedish meatballs, green beans, cherry Jell-O with whipped cream, and mint chocolate chip ice cream for dessert.

Thereasa savored her last spoonful of Jell-O and licked her lips clean. She smiled up at Ryan before spooning herself some ice cream. "Dinner was wonderful, thank you," she said, adding chocolate sauce to her bowl.

"You're welcome. Sorry I've been so ...... you know....lately..... I think I'm sick."

"That's ok. Maybe you could get schecked out by Dr. Hearall, he's been my doctor since before I can remember. I'm sure he'd be happy to check you out."

"That's ok, I probably just have the flu. How was your checkup today? Did you find out anything?"

He let the question hang. He knew about the test. She looked at her bowl and busied herself with her ice cream, trying to avoid eye contact.

"Well, yes...First of all, I'm having a girl."

"That's great! Congrats!"

"Thanks," she said, stealing a glance at him and smiling at his smile. Seeing the look on his face almost broke her, she knew this was wrong, but she had to be selfish, for the sake of her baby.

"I also found out that the father... the dad is....Ryan, it's you." She expected his shocked silence to follow the news, but she didn't expect this.

"Thereasa, that's wonderful, now you don't have to worry about Eddie at all, you have proof that the baby isn't his, so he can't do anything about it. This is great!" She tried to believe him, but the guilt in her stomach kept building.

She smiled and rose to do the dishes, anything to get her away from this guilt.

"Don't worry, I'll get those, he said, as she reluctantly dropped them in the sink and headed for her room.

'This is a good thing...' he kept telling himself, 'so why aren't I happy? I'm going to be a father, what could be better?' But he knew the answer.

oO0 0Oo

The next few days flew by rather painlessly, and relatively quick. It all seemed a blur. Marissa was slowly recovering and getting into the summer pattern. Going shopping, going to the beach, checking out guys, gossiping with Summer, eating, sleeping, and starting over the next day; forever ignoring the growing pain in her heart.

But as time went on, it got harder, for the both of them, to pretend like nothing was wrong, like they didn't think about each other non stop, that they didn't love each other and that the way they were living was the "right way."

On June 28, and 10:03 p.m. Marissa snapped. She got into her car and drove. She didn't know where she was going, she just knew she had to get away.

After and hour she passed a sign in the dark and only vaguely remember reading "Welcome to Chino."

oO0 0Oo

There was a knock at the door. This time Ryan didn't jump. It was the first time in days he hadn't jumped when the doorbell rang, or the phone rang, or a dog barked. He was ever waiting to hear from Marissa that the slightest noise instantly set him off, making him think it was her.

It made Thereasa sick. Sick with herself for what she had done, and sick at the way Ryan would never be hers.

After a couple of days not thinking about her, or having any phone calls from her, he was finally starting to heal, Thereasa counted on that.

"I'll get it," he said, hopping over the back of the couch and dashing for the door. Thereasa sat down and started folding laundry as she became enthralled by the show that was on the T.V.

She hear commotion downstairs, Ryan's raised voice saying, "What are you doing here?" and a smacking noise followed by a thud. She heard heavy footsteps rapidly coming down the hall, which stopped when they entered the living room.

Thereasa slowly looked up and her breath caught in her throat. Her heart stopped.

A calm voice, like a dam about to break, whispered, "Hello Thereasa, how is my little whore?"

"H-hello Eddie..."

oO0 0Oo

Dun dun DUN!!! j/k


	6. Broken

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the chara ters, but they own me! He he ….he …..i am so alone…

A/N: Tee hee, sorry about the delay! I'm always saying that aren't i? Well, I know this one is short, but I will write at least 1 chapter with in the next week too, so don't yell at me!

oO0 0Oo

Ba boom.

Ba boom.

Ba boom.

All Theresa could hear was her heartbeat. It filled her head with it's rapidly increasing constant thudding.

She kept folding laundry, not changing her behavior. She didn't want him to know she was afraid. If he knew that, he'd win. Guys like him like causing fear, and she didn't want him getting that satisfaction.

"Hello, Eddie, ," she said, steadying her voice, "What brings you hear?"

"What brings me here? Besides the fact that we're married and you've been gone for the last month? Oh, I don't know, the weather!" His footsteps were heavy on the wood floors as he bound over to her, grabbing her by the hair and forcing her head up.

She fought back the tears as she felt hair tugged from it's place. She bit her tongue, praying Ryan would come.

"Look at me bitch!" He said, spit flying from his mouth.

Slowly she looked up until her eyes met his. She didn't betray any emotion, except hatred. She wanted him to be afraid of her for once.

"You think you can do this to me?! After everything I've done for you? I married you and gave you a good home, when no one else would. I worked my ass off for you. I …. I loved you. But for what? To find out you've been playing around with a pompus goody goody?!"

The sting of his slap across her face caught her off guard and she let out a small gasp of air, but it was enough to confirm his doubts : she was still afraid.

He smirked.

"You did this to yourself you know. You deserve this. Naughty little girls who prance around thinking they're better than they are should be taught a lesson, you dirty bitch. Stop crying dammit! This is all your fault!"

oO0 0Oo

Huddled in the corner of her house she looked up with frightened eyes, not knowing what was going to happen. She didn't dare move, afraid that would make him even more hostile towards her. She could see him lumbering towards her, trying to focus.

Her eyes stayed focused on his right fist, and the bottle in his left, those were the weapons. If she could get past those, she could make it to the door, and then to the car. He was too drunk to coordinate running, or even talking, but not hitting.

"Hey! I s see you wench. I know you're hiding out there. Ha ha ha , come on, iss ok, I wont gonna hurt you, I juss wanna touch you. Come out bitch!" She knew he'd find her soon if she stayed where she was. She choked back her tears, took a couple of deep breaths, then got up and ran for the door as fast as she could.

She could hear him yelling after her, cursing her and breaking things, but she didn't care, she was free. She got in the car and sped out of the driveway with the windows open wide, letting the wind whip her hair around her face. When she got to the freeway, she screamed as loud as she could. She was finally free of him, of the monster.

Now all she needed to do was find him, her salvation.

oO0 0Oo

Theresa remembered every feeling she had had that day, when she got away. She didn't' think she'd ever have to deal with him again, she had half hoped that in his drunken stooper he had managed to kill himself. But here he was, once again opening old wounds in Thereasa's heart.

"Eddie, please, stop. Let's just talk about his! I know you're not like this! Please, let's just, talk," her lip was quivering, but she couldn't fight it, her energy was weakening.

"No! I don't want to hear your fucking voice tell me it's okay anymore! I don't want to listen to you lie to me! I – I don't want to live knowing that after everything I've done for you, after all I gave for you, you'd still rather be with someone like him. A traitor!"

Ryan stumbled up the stairs, holding his head. He could hardly focus, but he knew he had to do something. "Eddie, why are you doing this? You know it's not Theresa's fault. Come on, just calm down. Or don't calm down and take it out on me, I don't give a fuck, just leave her out of it."

"You know, you're right, it is your fault. If I had never trusted you, none of this would have never happened. Theresa would still love me, she'd be having my baby, and you would have disappeared into your preppy wanna-be life. Well it's a little late for apologies and 'if onlys' Ryan," Eddie, let go of Theresa's hair, and Ryan relaxed a little, a very little.

Eddie stumbled over to the couch and put his head in his hands, sobbing.

Ryan walked over to Theresa, "are you okay?" he whispered, she nodded, not meeting his eyes.

"Theresa," Eddie's voice was small and hoarse, "I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you."

"Eddie, what do you mean?" Theresa asked, fear laced in her words.

Slowly he pulled a gun from his jacket.

Ba boom.

Ba boom.

Ba –

Her heart stopped, and everything seemed in slow motion.

She could see him lifted the gun, and met her eyes, tears spilling from his, before he looked away.

She saw Ryan stiffed and move in front of here. She could almost hear his rapid heartbeat.

She heard Eddie cock the trigger and pull.

oO0 0Oo

Marisa couldn't see where she was going. It was too dark, that territory too unfamiliar, and there were too many tears clogging her vision.

She barley missed a turn in the road, and caught her breath as a passing car swerved to miss her, blaring it's horn.

She reached down for some Kleenexes, and when she looked up, she had time to see the tree before everything went black.

From a distance she could hear sirens. Lights flashed, waking her up. 'Where am I?' She thought.

In one moment it all came back to her. The fight with Ryan, the bottle of Vodka, the Kleenexes and the tree. Her eyes darted around, unable to focus on anything.

In spite of herself, she started to cry. 'Am I going to die? Is this how it feels?'

She felt something holding her hand, and realized it was the same paramedic that was shining the light in her eyes and asking her questions she couldn't hear.

She tried to focus on the hand holding hers, but she was drifting out again. She couldn't feel anything but cold.

She slipped into the darkness again, wishing she had told Ryan how she really felt, wishing she could see him one more time, just in case…

oO0 0Oo

She saw herself running. She was on her way home from school, and she was running to get home. Jon Bakerson, from one block over was running with her, and they were holding hands. She remembered how they played on her swing set all the time because he didn't have one.

"Jon, where's your mommy?" she remembered asking him unconsciously rudly one day.

He seemed suddenly downcast and got up to leave, saying he didn't feel good and should probably go home.

Marissa didn't know what she had said that upset him so much, she was ad t was wrong.

Jon, in his mature little boy way, turned at her gate and said, in a breaking voice, "Dad says mom went to a better place and that I won't see her for awhile. But someday, if I'm really good, I will. He also says that whenever you leave someone, you should tell them you love them, because sometimes things happen that you can't change and you don't want to live with that regret." And then he went through the gate and left.

At that time she didn't know what regret meant, she was more concerned with when Mrs. Bakersman would be back.

Now she understood Jon's words, too mature for a 2nd grader too have said.

Now she was living his words, mocked by every syllable.

oO0 0Oo

Ryan fell to the floor, gasping and holding his shoulder.

Theresa was at his side instantly. She tried to fight off the panic rising in her and recall what they had taught her in health 3 years ago.

She applied pressure to his gunshot wound and grabbed some nearby towels from the laundry basket to press on his shoulder. Ryan smiled reassuringly to her, letting her know he was okay. She relaxed a bit, but not much.

Through tear filled eyes Eddie watched this tender scene, jelousy rising in him. He raised the pistol to his forehead and pulled the trigger.

Theresa stiffened at the sound, before absentmindedly rushing to Eddie. He had shot himself in the head but the bullet had lodged itself in such a way that it hadn't killed him instantly. (it can be done) She held his hand and looked into his tormented eyes. The very eyes she had been lost in so many times, had said 'I do' to, and been afraid of.

In his last agonizing moments of life, she forgave him by kissing his forehead. The last words he heard from echoing through the blackness, "Eddie, it was your baby."

oO0 0Oo

Ryan was taken to the closest hospital by ambulance 20 miles away. He was treated for a gunshot wound and severe blood loss.

Theresa sat in a chair outside his room, clutching a Kleenex and holding back tears. She was exhausted from crying, fear, and stress.

But she couldn't rest, not until she answered all the police's questions.

After a half an hour of constant questions, accusations, and pity, the police left with their report, saying it was a hostile shot by a drunk, who later committed suicide.

Theresa was numb, but she also regained a part of her conciousness she hadn't know was gone. She realized she needed to stop her selfish charade and think about others. This "residential incident", as the police reports had called it, was too real of a wake up call for her. The person she loved the most had almost lost his life protecting her and a lie.

She knew what he did wasn't because he loved her, it was just a Ryan instinct, that's the type of person he is. That's what probably hurt her the most, knowing that no matter what she did, his heart would never belong to her.

So at 10:35 p.m. on a Thursday night in June, Theresa walked into room B208, told Ryan the truth about everything, gave his a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and left. In a span of 12 minutes, Theresa had given Ryan all she had, the truth and her love. Then she was gone from his life forever.

oO0 0Oo

Just down the hall, the ER was ablaze with surgeons and nurses desperately trying to save a 17 year old girl. She had leg and rib fractures, and severe head trauma and blood loss.

After 8 straight hours of surgery and blood bank emptying, Marissa was put under close watch, vitacin, and too many wires. She lay awake, able to feel the pain at last, and happy she could. Pain meant life, and Marissa was glad to have it. She looked around her room. A steady beeping came from the machine next to her, which she guessed monitored her heartbeat. She could hear the other sounds of the hospital.

As she drifted in and out of conciousness she watched the commotion outside her door. She saw a frustrated mother walk slowly by, holding her tiny baby, a man hugging a woman and crying with a smile on his face, a young pregnant girl walk slowly by, crying. She thought about all the things that happen in a hospital and how depressing they must be to work in.

oO0 0Oo

After a few days, Marissa was released from the hospital in a wheelchair that she was confined to for the next 6 weeks. She had her dad pick her up from the hospital, not wanting to face her mom.

As they drove out of the city she asked him to pull over. He helped her out of the car and into her chair and wheeled her over to a tree. She reached up, feeling the spot where they had collided. There was hardly a dent in the tree's bark, but she was practically paralyzed. Life isn't fair.

After telling her dad that she'd meet him in the car in 15 minutes, she wheeled herself over to a bench, occupied only by one other.

As she got closer, she could see it was a young man, and he was crying.

"Are you okay?" she asked, reaching an arm out to comfort his back.

Scared and embarrassed, he sat up quickly, whipping his eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said, turning to her.

Her eyes got wide and her breath stopped. They sat there staring at each other for a moment.

Before she knew what was happening, he had swept her into a passionate kiss, holding her tightly.

She grasped his shirt, not wanting to ever let go.

Finally they pulled away, and he put his forehead against hers. They both laughed as tears streamed down their cheeks.

"Before anything happens, I just want to tell you that I love you so much, Ryan, and I'm so sorry for everything." She could hardly believe this was happening.

"God, I love you too, and I should be sorry. It's my fault everything went wrong." He kissed her again.

They stared at each other for a bit before he realized she was in a wheelchair.

At the same time, she noticed his arm cast.

They looked at each other, but decided not to ruin the moment.

She reached up and pulled his mouth to hers again, keeping him in a kiss to last a lifetime. Deep down Marissa knew that things wouldn't be the same as they were before, but right now she didn't care. She had Ryan back in her arms again, and nothing could change that.

oO0 0Oo

A/N: so I lied and it was a really long chapter. I guess I just got going and kept going, and became the energizer bunny… But yeah, it know it got kinda…bad…at the end….but I'm not done yet, so get over it!

Shout out to all you reviewers! You guys ROCK! You keep me writing! Thanks!!!


	7. Healing

Disclaimer:I wish I owned them all, but I don't….now I'm sad…

A/N:Well folks, this is it, my last bitter sweet chapter. So, soak it up, but be brave. I'm just kidding, no doubt I'll write another O.C. fic. Thanks for all the good times, the laughs and the tears. You've been wonderful!

oO0 0Oo

Marissa squinted into the sun, raising her good arm to shield her eyes. "Ryan, where are we?" she asked, craning her neck to face him.

"It's a surprise, no peeking!" he scowled at her playfully, and pushed her wheelchair faster.

She laughed at him, but shut her eyes, settling back in her chair. Soon she could feel her chair leave the steady pavement onto the soft and bumpy grass.

She came to a gradual stop and waited for Ryan to let her open her eyes. She heard birds and the ocean, so she knew they were in a park, but she didn't know where since she had fallen asleep in the car.

"Ryan?"

"Don't open your eyes! Just – one – minute –" she heard him struggling with something. Then she heard a spark and music started playing. Her favorite song, "Your Song" by Sir Elton John. She smiled, the anticipation mounting.

"Okay," Ryan's voice said gently in her ear, "you can open your eyes now."

She did and gasped at the sight. Before her a gazebo was lit with icicle lights and candles, a small table was set up inside the screened in gazebo with a meal hidden under platter covers. A dozen roses were in an elegant vase in the center of the table, with a trail of rose pedals scattered on the floor. The gazebo was in a park not familiar to her, but it was beautiful too. They sat atop a hill with the ocean as a backdrop and the sun dipping into the horizon painting the sky soft shades of purple, pink, orange, and blue.

"Ryan…" was all she was able to say. He beamed. Slowly he pushed her through the screen door and into the gazebo.

"How? Why?" she was still suffering from shock.

He just smiled and kissed her cheek.

He wheeled her up to the table and began unveiling the dishes like Vanna White. She squealed with excitement, it was her favorite meal too: 2 plain cheeseburgers, a small fry, and a medium Dr. Pepper from McDonalds.

She threw her head back and laughed. Partly from the irony of having a fancy setting and simple food, and because she just didn't know how to react.

Marissa decided to go the impulsive route. She slowly leaned forward in her chair and shakily stood up. Ryan rushed over to her. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him as much as she could until he seated her back in her chair.

Over dinner they talked about good movies, or Seth's problems (because they inevitably become everyone else's problems). They enjoyed each other's company and tried to forget about the summer.

It was mid- August, and everything seemed perfect. Ryan knew this day was special to Marissa because it was their 1 year anniversary, or what would have been their one year if…

After diner, he wheeled her down to the shore and spread a blanket out on the sand. He lifted her up and set her on the blanket, wrapping himself around her with a blanket. She fell back into his form and let her breathing match his. They sat there, watching the sky and just enjoying each other's company.

After about an hour, Marissa sat up. "Now I have a surprise for you," she said, kissing him lightly on the lips.

He closed his eyes, and into his hands she placed a small box.

He opened his eyes and then the box, pulling out its contents. He looked at it puzzled for a moment, the n leaned in and kissed Marissa. He pulled her closer to kiss her more passionately. Then he put her in a hug and kissed her forehead.

"Thank you, I know how hard this is for you," he said; she smiled.

In the box was a single piece of paper with writing on it. A written testimony from Marissa reading:

_I, Marissa Cohen, do hereby solemnly swear to change forever. I will no longer act like a selfish brat. I will stop drinking and partying like a horny college girl. I will try harder to be nice to my mom, and step dad. And last but not least, I promise to love you now and forever. I will never let anything stop me from being with you ever again._

Then he knew, he knew how much he meant to her. As he held her, he took in the moment and thanked God he was able to hold her again.

"Marissa, I love you, and I always will. I'm sorry about everything that happened. I will never hurt you again." He kissed her temple.

She turned her head up to him and smiled, biting her bottom lip. "I love you to Ryan. You're everything to me, I'm so glad you're back," she reached up and pulled his head to hers, kissing him lightly.

Ryan moved in front of her, to kiss her harder, and pulled her close to him. Slowly he laid her on her back and planted gentle kisses wherever he saw skin.

She giggled and playfully pushed him away, but he kept coming back. Just like he always would.

And there, in the sand, their hearts finally healed.

oO0 0Oo

A/N: I know, I know, SAPPY! But that's okay right? Well, it's been a blast writing this, (thanks to your reviews) and I have an idea for another story so watch out for more new stories!


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